Reasons I want to slap the Duggars
November 9, 2011
*Disclaimer – NOT FOR CHILDREN!!!
Evidently, the Duggar Family is invading the media yet again. It makes me cringe that I’m stupid and bothered by them, but I’m so disgusted with these fools, I feel the need to write about it. Annnnnd, we’re off!
Reasons I want to slap the Duggars
#1 – Risk
I totally get having children later in life. I commend the woman that concentrates on her career and waits to find a man with whom she desires to raise children rather than a po-dunk yahoo who wants a “baby daddy,” free cheese, and a spring in her step when the check comes. If you are the former, there will be risks involved which may result in miscarriages, still-births, or a plethora of health and mental issues. If that happens, even though my sympathies have about as much impact on an individual as a fly’s fart in the wind, I will have them for you. However, there comes a point when it’s time to hang up the ovaries and get a new hobby that doesn’t require a 55-gallon drum of Vagisil. As in, having 18 kids already and your 19th almost dies, yet you’re willing to go at it again. That’s nothing short of disgusting and selfish because, while you deserve the pain of dealing with the mutant you created, the child does not deserve to live the catatonic life you’ve given it by lacking the ability to keep your legs shut.
#2 – Hiding your agenda with religion
Quit with the “God’s will” crap. I’m agnostic, but if there is a God, I’m pretty sure she (see what I did there?) wouldn’t advocate this treatment. These kids are being forced into teenage parenthood with the Duggar’s “buddy system.” Yes, families help each other out. If you’re living there, of course you’ll have dishes to do and garbage to take to the curb, but if you need a freakin’ flow chart to make your home run smoothly, you’re RIDICULOUS, and I’m surprised one of the kids hasn’t off’ed another. My brother, for example, has a strong sense of family, but if he had to brush my hair and teeth, cook my meals, sew my clothes, wash my laundry, and get me dressed every day growing up, I’m certain I’d have been beaten, smothered, and stuffed under a pile of G.I. Joes before I could walk. Bottom line, mommy and daddy, if you can’t take care of your offspring without the help of your offspring, STOP HAVING THEM!
#3 – Media Whores
I know that the lack of creativity in the media has caused reality television and I like to watch human train wrecks as much as the next gal, but do we really need a show comprised of home schooling, violin playing, farm visiting, and cooking a meal large enough to feed Somalia for a decade? I’d rather buy their book “A Love that Multiplies (yep, they’re authors!) and slam it into my forehead while reinacting the monk scene from Monty Python & the Holy Grail, because, hey, at least that would be entertaining. In addition, I firmly believe that these yokels are continuing to pop out children as a means to pay for said popped brats. I know the guy is wealthy, but at some point you’d run out of dough (literally and figuratively) due to the cost of feeding your cult. Plus, how long until the oldest kid has enough of his own kids to make a baseball team? At 21, he had his first, likely the result of his first sexual encounter with the gal that looks like she could be sister. I’m sure when she spits out his next ”gift from God,” the networks will create a spinoff worse than Joanie Loves Chachi.
I’m sure there are more reasons I want to slap these non-dancing, farmhouse-dressing, Puritanistic, walking Xanax pills, but I simply can’t think of any right now, so I’ll leave it here. Hope you at least chuckled even if you don’t agree!
Copyright – Jody Dazio – 11-9-2011
