Reasons I want to slap the Duggars

*Disclaimer – NOT FOR CHILDREN!!! 

Evidently, the Duggar Family is invading the media yet again.  It makes me cringe that I’m stupid and bothered by them, but I’m so disgusted with these fools, I feel the need to write about it.  Annnnnd, we’re off! 

Reasons I want to slap the Duggars

#1 – Risk

I totally get having children later in life.  I commend the woman that concentrates on her career and waits to find a man with whom she desires to raise children rather than a po-dunk yahoo who wants a “baby daddy,” free cheese, and a spring in her step when the check comes.  If you are the former, there will be risks involved which may result in miscarriages, still-births, or a plethora of health and mental issues.  If that happens, even though my sympathies have about as much impact on an individual as a fly’s fart in the wind, I will have them for you.  However, there comes a point when it’s time to hang up the ovaries and get a new hobby that doesn’t require a 55-gallon drum of Vagisil. As in, having 18 kids already and your 19th almost dies, yet you’re willing to go at it again.  That’s nothing short of disgusting and selfish because, while you deserve the pain of dealing with the mutant you created, the child does not deserve to live the catatonic life you’ve given it by lacking the ability to keep your legs shut.

#2 – Hiding your agenda with religion

Quit with the “God’s will” crap.  I’m agnostic, but if there is a God, I’m pretty sure she (see what I did there?) wouldn’t advocate this treatment.  These kids are being forced into teenage parenthood with the Duggar’s “buddy system.”  Yes, families help each other out.  If you’re living there, of course you’ll have dishes to do and garbage to take to the curb, but if you need a freakin’ flow chart to make your home run smoothly, you’re RIDICULOUS, and I’m surprised one of the kids hasn’t off’ed another.  My brother, for example, has a strong sense of family, but if he had to brush my hair and teeth, cook my meals, sew my clothes, wash my laundry, and get me dressed every day growing up, I’m certain I’d have been beaten, smothered, and stuffed under a pile of G.I. Joes before I could walk.  Bottom line, mommy and daddy, if you can’t take care of your offspring without the help of your offspring, STOP HAVING THEM! 

#3 – Media Whores

I know that the lack of creativity in the media has caused reality television and I like to watch human train wrecks as much as the next gal, but do we really need a show comprised of home schooling, violin playing, farm visiting, and cooking a meal large enough to feed Somalia for a decade?  I’d rather buy their book “A Love that Multiplies (yep, they’re authors!) and slam it into my forehead while reinacting the monk scene from Monty Python & the Holy Grail, because, hey, at least that would be entertaining.  In addition, I firmly believe that these yokels are continuing to pop out children as a means to pay for said popped brats.  I know the guy is wealthy, but at some point you’d run out of dough (literally and figuratively) due to the cost of feeding your cult.  Plus, how long until the oldest kid has enough of his own kids to make a baseball team?  At 21, he had his first, likely the result of his first sexual encounter with the gal that looks like she could be sister.  I’m sure when she spits out his next ”gift from God,” the networks will create a spinoff worse than Joanie Loves Chachi.

I’m sure there are more reasons I want to slap these non-dancing, farmhouse-dressing, Puritanistic, walking Xanax pills, but I simply can’t think of any right now, so I’ll leave it here.  Hope you at least chuckled even if you don’t agree!

Copyright – Jody Dazio – 11-9-2011

Back to reality

So I’ve been crazy busy the last two weeks.  First, my father-in-law was staying with us from the 24th to the 28th.  Then my best gal, Marianne, was down from the 30th to the 3rd and I had to drive her over to Orlando so she could meet up with another of her friends that lives in Jacksonville and come back.  Took about 5 1/2 hours.  Lots of fun.  Had the rest of Saturday and Sunday to myself and now I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation.  I love having people come to visit but it’s truly exhausting.  I always feel like I have to keep them entertained when all I really want to do is watch old episodes of 90210 that I record daily.  I hit my snooze about 4, 612 times this morning and I’m walking around like a zombie.  Plus, I start school this week and I’m going to look into volunteering at the Salvation Army Center of Hope about two hours a week.  I’m telling you, I’m a type A personality stuck in a type B body.  My brain wants to be busy but my body want to be sedentary.

On the bright side, this is what I got for xmas…

It was my step-son that got me the new straightener.  He’s such a thoughtful kid.  Anyway, hope your holidays were wonderful.  Only 11 months to go until my favorite time of the year!

Masonry is the bain of my existance.

So, I’m now no longer a 4.0 student which is absolute bullshit.  First let me start by saying that I am NOT a person who doesn’t accept responsibility for my actions.  I worked my ass off in this class and I don’t believe I deserve the grade that I got.  Granted, it’s still a B and I shouldn’t complain but I put A grade effort into this class.  The subject itself is not difficult by any means but the instructor was TERRIBLE.  He constantly set us up for failure telling us how his other class was doing poorly and how we probably weren’t going to do well on the exam.  What is that?!?!  He’s the only instructor I’ve had so far that actually wants to see you fail.  He’s the guy who got his ass kicked all through school and the only way to squash the memories of the thousands of dollars he lost in milk money is to make our lives a living hell.  I actually find myself wanting to hurt this guy.  Maybe not physically but removal of valve stems is often a very effective way to get your point across.  I’ll tell you one thing.  This school will NOT be getting $1,600 of my money for this guy again.  I’ll drop whatever class they schedule for me if he’s involved.  Because he’s a complete tool, I’m now a 3.80 student.  Still on the Dean’s list but a 3.80 nonetheless.  GRRR!

I voted today!

Some say that I take politics too seriously.  To them I say, “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?”  How is it possible to take too seriously the methods of the government under which I’m privileged enough to live my life freely?  As freely as the laws I help to make by VOTING allow.

Here we go with my opinion.  Get pissed if you must.  If you don’t take your government seriously, you’re either ignorant, lazy, just plain stupid or all of the above.  You take advantage of what the men and women before us had struggled with for so long to obtain for us.  You piss and moan about gas prices but do nothing to change it.  You gripe about the war and your friends going to Iraq and then commend the very people that put them there.  You hate the price you pay for healthcare but do nothing to make it better for you or your fellow man.  To let you know that this is a non-partisan post, I’ll go a couple of steps further.  You believe in the sanctity of marriage.  You believe stem-cell research and abortions should be illegal.  Well then, get off your ass and do something about it!  Stop giving me that, “I don’t have time” or “I don’t know who/what to vote for” or “One vote doesn’t make a difference.”  Those are the biggest damn cop-outs I’ve ever heard in my life.  What if Patrick Henry who is most known for saying, “Give me liberty or give me death” was fucking busy the day the British military began encroaching?  We’d be eating tea and crumpets and have some broad on our ugly money.  The point is that we live in a country that allows us to have a voice.  Rock the fucking boat people!  That’s what this is all about!

Twilight the Movie

So, how big of a douche am I?  I’m damn near 30 years old and I’m so excited for this stupid movie to come out that I could pee.  I read all 4 of those things in the span of about a week and my poor husband suffered the consequences.

Him:  Would you like dinner?

Me:  No, reading.

Him:  You really should go to bed.

Me:  Can’t now, reading.

Him:  It’s time for your wifely duties.

Me:  Here’s some lube, do it yourself, reading.

But here’s the kicker.  Right after I put them down, he picked them up and he was the same way.  Marriage suffering on account of Stephenie Meyer.  At least we’ll go see it together when it comes out.  We will have wait it out a couple of weeks and sit way in the back of the theater to avoid the embarrassment of someone actually seeing us.  I’m sure we’ll be the oldest farts in the joint.  I really need to do something to get people to read this shit.

Dentists suck!

I had to get a root canal yesterday because I ripped half of my #20 tooth out flossing of all things, which I do daily and can’t begin to fathom how my teeth are so bad.  Anyway, I don’t suggest ever getting one.  I should have had them just yank the damn thing.  The root canal itself wasn’t too terrible after he got the novacaine to work.   Yeah, he started drilling before I was numb and I about came out of the chair and choked him.  Holy hell, that was painful.  I’m not a sissy when it comes to pain but that was so agonizing that I thought my brain would break.  You know tooth pain.  Once it starts hurting, nothing short of a fifth of liquor, six vicodin and a baseball bat upside your head will distract you from it.

Last night was hopefully the worst of it.  I had a hell of a time even eating pierogies which are essentially mashed potatoes and noodles.  I can’t bite down on my left side at all and I tend to grind my teeth at night.  What a lovely surprise to be startled awake several times in the night by searing pain.  My husband is the best though.  I don’t know if he truly awake when he did it but every time I’d wake up whimpering like a beaten dog, he’d put his arm around me.  I think he’s discovered my weakness and knows that when he does that, I immediately fall asleep… and shut up.

Take care of your teeth, kids.  I can’t imagine what mine would be like if I didn’t floss every day and brush at least twice a day.  I’ve got about $4,000 left of dental work on my mouth and $3,000 of that will be out of pocket.  Ugh.

Crap, I don’t know how to use this thing…

I had something posted earlier and managed to delete it.  I suppose this is supposed to be a journal of sorts.  Well, I’m going to get a manicure and pedicure in about 10 minutes which I haven’t gotten in years.  Nope, not even for the wedding.  Sad, yes.  I spend so much time with boys that I feel like I’m turning into one sometimes.  Ah well, that’s all for now.  Yeah, not really exciting.

Oh!  I finally got a new tire on my car.  It has had a slow leak for quite some time.  Air down here is 75 cents.  Really, how do you charge for compressed air?  Anyway, with all the 75 cents I’ve put into the tire, I could have bought a damn new one.  They also gave me an alignment to fix what the stupid deer did a couple of years ago, slamming himself into the side of my car.  Grand.

Who gets hit by a deer?